I believed I had to had born confident. And I wasn’t, so why keep trying?

How happy I am to have been wrong about that!

This post brings some tips from the book “The Confidence Code: The Science and Art of Self-Assurance - What women should know”.

And some lessons from my Cognitive Behaviour Therapy sessions.

Ready? 🚀

How to practice Self-Confidence

  • When in doubt, ACT. Decide. What kills overconfidence is overthinking. Keep deciding, as if your life depends on it. If it helps, write down the consequences of your decision, and think through it with a rational perspective. What do you have to lose? Is probably less than you think.
  • Fail fast. Learn. Keep trying. This process builds thicker skin. You’ll get more confident by trying, not from getting perfect on the first try. Perfection is the killer of great things.
  • Take risks. Afraid of failing? So what! Do it either way. Confidence-boost is a habit. Risk keeps you on life’s edge. It keeps you growing, inspiring, and gaining confidence.
  • Turn your fear into an ally. Fear is a powerful feeling. Instead of letting it stop you, can you imagine using that force to get you moving towards what you want?
  • Break your big goals into small actionable goals. When facing big challenges, battle feelings of being overwhelmed by breaking them down. Something as simple as writing down a to-do list works.
  • Fake it until you make it. It’s a way to simply take action. Live today as if all you ever wanted is already yours. Do one small thing, and then the next will be easier, and more confidence will flow.
  • When you fail, accept yourself and your humanity. When things don’t go as you expected, it’s the perfect moment to practice self-compassion. The central precept of self-compassion is that we should all be kinder to ourselves because doing so makes us healthier, more fulfilled, and more successful in the pursuits we choose.
  • Name your inner negative voices. I started naming my negative voices: Judge Judy, Pam Planner. This helps me handle my cognitive distortions better. By the way, if your name is Judy or Pam, feel free to use my name for your voices :P.
  • Start a Thought Record Journal. When you get yourself too overwhelmed by your cognitive distortions, add them to a Thought Record. Why does it work? It shows you that your thoughts are way less powerful than you think at first, and they might convince you everything is lost. Making them ‘real’ gives you an analytical perspective of the situation, and you realize it’s not that a big deal. Try it next time.

If you’re interested in having your Thought Record Journal, I sell a pack of a template and real examples to get you started. The examples are from my own experience.

I am not saying any of these is easy. Somedays I have to practice them TWICE. But it gets easier every time 🏋️‍♀️.

Why does my brain try to sabotage me? 🧠

Nerdy as I am, I needed to understand why my brain was my biggest enemy.

Well, our brain hasn’t evolved as fast as we imagine.

It still thinks we live in the wild, and it’s desperately trying to save us from predators.

That’s why staying where you are is so comforting. There’s danger in doing different things.

Now that you’ve got this information, every time you get yourself doubting yourself, take it as an opportunity to be grateful for recognizing this moment and say:

Thanks, my primitive brain, for your concern, but I got this 💪

Resources

The Confidence Code: The Science and Art of Self-Assurance - What women should know*

Radical Acceptance: Awakening the Love That Heals Fear and Shame

Feeling Good: The New Mood Therapy

Cognitive Behavioral Therapy

How to practice Mindfulness

*I strongly recommend it to anyone interested in understanding why women suffer more from lack of confidence, and how everyone can help solving this issue.